You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
