Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i came on her dog
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
