He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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