Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
