Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it's great music for shaving your balls
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize