Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
operation harelip BJ is a go
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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