well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just googled if crying burns calories
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
