we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
