Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
