like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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