I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
