first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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