so that wasnt chicken after all
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
