it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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