I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
