Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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