Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
