and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize