its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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