Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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