Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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