How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
