I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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