fuck your aforementioned shoe
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
