yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He shit in the fireplace
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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