I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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