i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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