that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
