oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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