hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
