I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
