im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize