dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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