Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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