Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
