Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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