so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
