There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my mouth tastes like poor choices
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize