We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
