i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
