I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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