My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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