i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
