If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize