You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
