wanna go halves on a baby?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
