he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
