She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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