How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
