sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize