no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
