Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
