Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
