So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
