Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
