So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize