honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
