I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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