My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
