i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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