Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
