I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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