You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
