Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize