Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
