apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
