i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
