she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
