my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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