just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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