tell your sister to shave her snatch
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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