Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
