Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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