i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
