i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
