Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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