smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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