i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
