I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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