I love black thongs
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize