Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
