We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
