He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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