I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we're making bets on your personal life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
