I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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