If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was confusing and full of hummus
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
