been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize