I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pooping to opera.
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