dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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