are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
