i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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