There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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