i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
